Incest Part 5 - We are Not Alone

I’m humbled an honored by the women who contacted me privately to share their painful stories of incest. Unfortunately, we are not alone. There have been many before us and will be many after us. All we can do is help lead the way to freedom in Christ. We are united as survivors and sisters in Christ.

It’s my prayer that God will use my story to move you in the direction of healing. Perhaps you have a different story, but just as painful. Allow Him to perform spiritual surgery to pull out that festering splinter. It’s not an easy journey, facing and moving through all that pain, but you are older, wiser and stronger; and Jesus will be with you all the way. I started my journey at 40 and will be 45 in a few months. It’s never too late to reclaim your life. Shame and guilt held me in bondage; I wasn’t living my life to its fullest potential. Only Jesus could set me free.

I promise you, it will get easier the more you talk about it. I'm so sorry that you had to suffer like you did. I wish there was some magic cure, but the sad fact remains - the road to healing is slow and painful. Don't try it without counseling and/or support.

If you’d like to be added to my daily prayer list for healing from incest or sexual abuse, please leave a comment, email, tweet (boldandfree) or contact me on Facebook.

Recommended reading:

A Door of Hope by Jan Frank

Beauty for Ashes by Joyce Meyer

The Wounded Heart by Dr. Dan B. Allender

Please check out these posts as well:

Sex, Love and Marriage

Mother Wit

Childhood Sexual Abuse

Read my other posts on incest:

Incest - the Poisonous Secret
Incest Part 2 - PTSD
Incest Part 3 - Let it all Come Out
Incest Part 4 – Cardboard Testimony

Stay tuned for Incest Part 6 – the Key to Healing

Cardboard Testimony - Incest Part 4

Read my other posts on incest:
Incest - the Poisonous Secret
Incest Part 2 - PTSD
Incest Part 3 - Let it all Come Out
Back to Bold & Free Ministries

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He is risen just like He said!
Rejoice in the miracle of Easter!

Incest Part 3 - Let it All Come Out

A teenage girl sits on the edge of the curb all curled up. My heart reaches out to her because I’ve been there. She’s trying to make herself as small as possible to escape notice, hoping to become invisible or at the very least, blend in. Adults have other ways of making themselves invisible. They take little notice of their appearance, gain weight or wear plain, colorless clothes. Women may stop wearing makeup, men might stop shaving.

I went through a season of wearing mostly black. One day, after I’d achieved a measure of healing, I walked into my closet and my eyes were opened. I didn’t consciously choose to have a wardrobe of funeral clothes, but there they were. If anyone would have pointed it out to me, I’d have denied it or come up with a reasonable excuse.

Not everyone fits this scenario, their secret oozes comes out in other ways: alcoholism, drug use, thrill seeking, sexual addiction, promiscuity, crime, poor health, nightmares and low self esteem. No matter how you long to deny it or pretend the incest didn’t happen, it has a way of spilling out.

As a former victim, I can spot the pain and hidden anguish in others. Unfortunately, those who prey on victims also see it and victimize them again.

Stop the cycle. Hanging onto this secret is making your life miserable. It’s time to let it all come out. Share it with someone you love and trust, journal about it, or leave a comment here. The hardest part is beginning to open up. Soon you’ll discover the freedom that comes in releasing it.

Let it All Come Out
by The Newsboys

Who, who's touched you child? Now you can't feel a thing,
not anything
Who's been the one telling you lies? Now you'll believe anything

OH YOU GOTTA LET, LET IT ALL COME OUT
LET, LET IT ALL COME OUT
RIGHT NOW
RIGHT NOW

How, how many fires, to make you feel pure again, alive again?
And what will it take, what has to break, for you to begin again?
What will it take?

[Repeat Chorus]

Lift yourself out of it all
Come out from the shadows to the sun
Oh you gotta lift yourself out of it all
Yesterday’s over, a new day’s begun
You’re only sick as all your secrets
Let them all come out, let them come
This devil came to steal your name away
This devil came to give your name away

OH LET, LET IT ALL COME OUT
LET, LET IT ALL COME OUT
LET, LET IT ALL COME OUT
RIGHT NOW
RIGHT NOW


This is part three in my series on incest. Click on the links below to read the previous posts:

Incest Part One - The Poisonous Secret
Incest Part Two - PTSD

My BFF, Niki is walking along side me on this journey, please stop over and visit her as well:
Sex, Love and Marriage

Incest Part 2 - PTSD

I wish I could say that I after the incest stopped, life returned to normal, but nothing was the same. Outwardly, everything seemed fine. But inwardly, I battled feelings of self worth and shame. I began to question my Christianity. I trusted a family member and he wasn’t safe. What other false beliefs was I holding on to? I lost my sense of security. So, I medicated myself by smoking.

Even my personality changed. I became withdrawn, angry and rebellious. I hated high school and failed most of my classes for non-attendance. Then I listened to the lies of the enemy when he told me I was stupid.

In my freshman year, there are blocks of time that I simply can’t remember. I listed my three best friends in my yearbook, but can only remember one. I didn’t take drugs and I didn’t drink excessively, yet entire blocks of time are gone. This is indicative of PTSD (Posttraumatic Stress Disorder).

Until recently, I had nightmares about high school. When my twenty year reunion came up, I had nightmares for two weeks until I decided not to attend.

This is part 2 in a series. Click HERE to read part one. Stay tuned for more.

Incest - The Poisonous Secret

I love a good secret – the great surprise kind that I can barely contain. Soon the excitement is too much to bear and a few close friends are joyfully told. But then there is the other kind - the dark kind. The kind that digs deep into a child’s soul and poisons it. The kind that is ashamed to be told or even thought about. The "Don’t tell your mother” kind. The kind that Satan uses to taunt and produce insecurities.

These poisonous kinds of secrets have a way of festering until one day, when it’s least convenient, an emotional explosion occurs. There is no perfect time to talk about incest. It’s a horribly painful topic. But the ugly facts are that it’s happening in homes all over America. Chances are it is happening in your neighborhood right now. And, tragically, it happened to me.

It was seemingly easy to dismiss. He was a member outside my immediate family. He asked forgiveness and I gave it. Then we agreed we would never talk about it. He was truly repentant and he never reoffended. (For more on the misconceptions of incest click HERE.)

After years of counseling women like me, I’ve learned that this is extremely rare. Typically the cycle of repentance and reoffense continues for many years. Though it was terrible, it could have been so much worse.

It was over by the time I entered high school, but the deep wounds it caused went underground, poisoning my psyche and warping my thought processes. Flailing, and unsure who to trust, I embraced a victim mentality.

This is part one in the series. Stay tuned for part two.