7 Ways to Help a Suicidal Friend - Depression part 4

1. Always take suicidal threats seriously.
2. Allow them to express their feelings without judgment. Let them vent.
3. Emphasize the hope that they may not see due to their depression.
4. Pray with them and for them.
5. Call them to see how they’re doing if you haven’t heard from them in a while.
6. Give them a name of a good counselor and offer to go with them.
7. Don’t be afraid to call 911 or drive them to a hospital. It just may save their life.

Suicide Hotline  
Read More about suicide and depression HERE

Warning Signs of Suicide - Depression part 3

5 Ways to Treat Depression – Depression part 2

Treatment for depression is as varied as the symptoms. What works for Barb, may not work for Jody. If you are severely depressed or have thoughts of suicide, call the Suicide Hotline and seek medical help immediately. Otherwise select one of the treatment options and slowly add in new treatment so you can decide what works best for your situation. If you start doing too many new things at once, you won’t know what helped when your symptoms improve.

1. Exercise - moderate exercise on a daily basis will lift your spirits and self esteem, resulting in more energy and improved mental health. If you have a physical disability, ask your doctor what type of exercise is right for you. Exercise alone may not be enough to treat your depression. Consider pairing it with one of the other options below.

2. Natural Remedies - St. Johns Wort, Omega 3 fatty-acids, Folic Acid, Sam-e, magnesium, 5-HTP, L-tyrosine and Melatonin can all help with depression. You may also consider including massage therapy acupuncture, infrared light therapy or tapping.

3. Counseling- unresolved issues, such as abuse, can cause depression. Look for a trained counselor who specializes in the issues you need to resolve. Understand that you can’t resolve years of abuse in two or three months. Don’t become impatient with this process. Emotions associated with abuse take time to heal.

4. Meditation – carve out some time when you will not be interrupted to pray, listen to God and reflect on his promises. If you are too distraught to pray, write journal entries to God. He doesn’t care how you communicate, only that you do. Don’t make this a one-way conversation, ask Him questions and wait for His response.

“Study this Book of Instruction continually. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do,” - Joshua 1:8 (NLT)

5. Medication – before starting a medication treatment plan, ask your doctor to do a complete drug work up to rule out other causes. A hormonal imbalance or vitamin deficiency can trigger depression.

Check with your pharmacy or Google the names of the medications you take for possible side effects. One of your prescription drugs could be the cause.

Diagnosing Depression – Depression part 1

Click HERE to view Tapping video.

Suicide Hotline – 1- 800-SUICIDE

Diagnosing Depression - Depression part 1

Right now in the US, more than 1 out of 20 adults are suffering from depression. These numbers increase in the low income brackets.  1 in 7 poor adults suffer from depression. With numbers like these, it’s likely someone you know may be suffering with undiagnosed depression. It could even be you. The symptoms of depression are as varied as the individual. Below are two fictional examples of women suffering from depression.      

Lately, Barb feels like she’s just not herself. Everything she does requires herculean effort. Even basic tasks, like getting dressed and fixing her hair, take twice as long. When a simple task is complete, she feels drained of all her energy. Barb’s best friend told her to snap out of it and take charge of her life. But Barb is overwhelmed; she doesn’t know how to get her energy back. Her usual pickups (coffee and chocolate) are useless these days. As a matter of fact, chocolate doesn’t entice her, nor does eating. All she wants to do is sleep. Nothing interested her. She feels trapped, stuck and hopeless.

Jody is lethargic. She can’t sleep and isolates herself in her apartment. She turns to food for solace, and though it provides only temporary comfort, her only interest is eating.  She considers using drugs but doesn’t have the street smarts to obtain any. Jody is unemployed and days away from being evicted from her home.  Her mom just passed away and she periodically gets slammed with waves of grief.  The fact that none of her clothes fit her anymore depresses her further. Jody’s friends are worried that she doesn’t appear to care about losing her apartment. They’re also worried about her macabre Facebook status updates.  Jody’s best friend told her it was a sin to be depressed. Now all she thinks about is what a relief it would be to end it all.

Do you see pieces of yourself in Barb or Jody? Do they remind you of someone you know? Do you think you may be suffering from depression? Click here to take the diagnostic quiz.            

Next:  Treating Depression

Click here to take the diagnostic quiz.  

Click here to read about the symptoms of depression. 

Suicide Hotline 

Fourth Annual Breast Friends Event

Breast cancer is not a stranger to me. While it hasn’t physically affected me, it’s affected those I love. Therefore, I’ve made it my mission to encourage women to make their health a priority and schedule an annual mammogram. I’m always shocked at the number of women who put it off until they realize it’s been years since their last screening.

When, I had my first mammogram at forty, I decided to reward myself with a Godiva raspberry truffle and a little shopping. The next year I added coffee and invited friends. In 2006, we celebrated my mother in laws victory over breast cancer. Then, when a dear friend had a scare, we decided to celebrate her clean-bill-of-health with Godiva and Starbucks. We had several mini celebrations with friends and thought how fun it would be if we all did it together, so we decided to form a Breast Friends club.

What is Breast Friends? It’s a group of women celebrating friendship, femininity and good health by encouraging one another to get mammograms and perform breast self-examinations.

• Pick a day that works for your group. 

• Invite your friends to schedule a screening on the same day around the same time. 

• Meet for breakfast or lunch beforehand

• After the mammograms celebrate with coffee

• Follow up with monthly emails to remind each other to do self-examinations.

Start today - form a Breast Friends group with friends from your city.

Celebration is the key. Take chocolate along with you to pass out in the waiting room. Just have fun. The point of BF is to take the fear out of getting a mammogram and to celebrate friendship, health and femininity. This year, we'll be screening on March 29th. Join us won’t you?

The Two Most Powerful Words in the English Language

Two of the most powerful words in the English language are, “I’m sorry.” Just a simple apology.  It may seem simple, but it’s becomes oh so complicated when the words are never uttered.

What not to say in apology:  

• "I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings." While this may be true, it is not a real apology. If it follows an “I’m sorry” then it’s acceptable.

• ''You misunderstood me." This is placing blame on the other person. They may have misunderstood, but you are no closer to reconciliation with this announcement.

• "I’m sorry you were hurt by what I said." Drop the qualifier. Just say you are sorry!

A gift is not an apology

A gift may express you are willing to make amends, but it pales in comparison to a heartfelt apology. Just say it!  An apology gift sets a pattern - all subsequent gifts will become suspect.

What if it wasn’t my fault?

You don’t have to be at fault to apologize. You might try something like this, “I’m sorry. I hate that we’re fighting. Let’s put this behind us.” Once you make the first move, the other party will likely reciprocate. Hours into weeks of frustrations are over.

When an apology is not enough

Some offenses are so grievous, as in abuse or betrayal, that a mere apology is not enough. However, it is a good first step. Many victims never hear those words from their abuser. It may also be appropriate to pay retribution or cover counseling.   

Say it with sincerity

Don’t say it with sarcasm or flippantly. Look the other person in the eye and speak with sincerity.

Do you have an unspoken apology you need to deliver? Do it now. It’s never too late.

The Letter That Changed Me - by Tiffany Stuart

I sat in front of my computer about to do something I never imagined doing: write a letter to my molester.

A few days prior, my husband casually mentioned his upcoming business trip. I felt sick and angry inside when I heard where. Attached to this city name were memories from thirty-three years ago I’d rather forget.

I never told my parents what happened to me in second grade. Shame kept me quiet until I was in high school. I have no idea why, but one day I casually told a relative what happened. Maybe I needed to be heard and understood. I felt self-conscious sharing what I remembered, like I was making things up.

Not a single tear was cried over my abuse—not during, not after, not ever. When I told a few trusted friends about my past, I emotionally separated myself and told it as a “long, long time ago this happened to me” story. My lack of tears convinced me I was OK. But deep down, I knew better. Hearing a city name awoke something inside of me I buried alive decades earlier. Pain.

I knew I needed to get to the root of my pain. After a conversation with my family, I googled this guy’s full name. I cried what I now call my “death cry” with what I uncovered.

My memories were true.

I wasn’t crazy.

My worst fears realized: This multimillionaire—a repeated sex offender—spent his entire life molesting children! Nothing stopped him. His wealth spared him. And the worst part was I wasn’t his only victim. His track record ripped through state lines like a tornado and left devastation in the hearts of many young boys and girls.

Sorrow and outrage shook me to my core. I wanted to stand up for every child he had ever hurt. I also wanted to die. Now what? Clueless, I sobbed one minute and then walked around numb the next.

For some reason I needed to know if this monster was still alive, so I paid $13.95 to search site to find out. He was! Now in his early 80’s with health issues, he violated probation only a few years prior. Still a sick, sick man!

I had to make a decision. I couldn’t ignore my past any longer. I could either go after this creep once and for all—or let him go. Torn with emotions, I prayed, journaled, and talked with family and friends.

A few days later, I sat alone with my laptop and stared at a blank word document. Time to give this guy a piece of my mind. I prayed, took deep breaths, teared up, and started typing. At first I struggled to find words. What words are strong enough to describe what he did? None. After a page of sharing with him my experience and pain, I decided it was time to say I’m done. As I continued, I asked him hard questions. I even probed into what he might be thinking now as an old man about to meet his Maker. I told him what saved me from destroying myself: my faith in Jesus.

Something amazing happened as I kept writing.

I wrote words I never dreamed of writing. Words about forgiveness and love and the hope of heaven. The strangest feeling came over me as wrote out a salvation prayer and invited him to know my Healer. My heart soared with peace and joy. I felt more alive and full of God’s love than ever before. The weight of unforgiveness after all those years finally lifted.

The next day I sent the letter unsigned with no return address. It was finished. I was free! Who knew I could actually pen words of love and forgiveness to one of the most evil of men?

God did. He gets all the credit.

That day I witnessed a real miracle—a miracle in my heart. The healing power of forgiveness. God in action.

This experience taught me a couple truths I hope I never forget.

1. Never hold onto unforgiveness. It’s not worth it. Unforgiveness is a heavy yoke.

2. Forgiveness is hard to do—and sometimes takes decades (in my case)—but it brings freedom. Freedom to heal. Freedom to love.

No matter how bad the offense feels, I’m learning the best path is straight towards forgiveness. Lewis B. Smedes’s quote says it best: "To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you."

For over thirty years, I was held captive by unforgiveness. Today I feel the difference. I’m lighter—not physically—but mentally and emotionally and spiritually.

Since this letter, I’ve thought over and over again about Jesus’ words as He hung dying on the cross. He said, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34). How could Jesus just let these offenders of the hook after all they did to Him? His words make no sense. Did Jesus know something they didn’t? Did His heart soar with peace and joy as He spoke forgiveness? Even as Christ was dying, did He feel completely alive and full of love by releasing His offenders? I bet He did.

God is love! His ways are not our ways.

I also think about how Christ treated the criminal hanging next to Him. Jesus did not say, “It’s too late, buddy. Die without hope." Instead He said, “See you in paradise.” Not a cold shoulder, but a warm embrace.

Jesus showed us a different way of living. He lived out forgiveness in action. It’s taken me decades to really grasp the benefit of true forgiveness.

I’m thankful for the freedom I now feel with my childhood sexual abuse. I no longer hold unforgiveness in the dark corners of my heart. I no longer cringe inside when I heard that city name. Sure, that city will always have an ugly memory attached to it, but now it has been topped with God’s healing love. I choose to focus on that.

It's true with God all things are possible (Matthew 19:26). The letter I wrote is proof of that to me.

Copyright © 2008 Tiffany Stuart. All rights reserved.

 

Tiffany Stuart is a freelance writer, speaker, and stay-at-home mom of a tween daughter and a teenage son. Her passion to see women free from shame and embrace God's love. She and her family live in Colorado. She enjoys blogging at Tea With Tiffany.